It's hard for me to ask for help. Sometimes it feels like I'm allergic to it. I forget that it's even an option. I don't drink milk and I don't ask for help.
I'm happy to pour you a glass of milk, do you a favor, or even give you something of mine. Why not? It doesn't belong to me anyway and people are more important than things, right? Sure! It's easy for me to do but not easy for me to accept from others.
Enter stage right: my Easter break missions trip
Enter stage left: the support letter
I'm in the middle of these two characters and I'm not sure what my next line is...or if this is a show down or a family reunion.
The basic contents of a typical support letter consist of a greeting, brief reminder of who the person is that's writing the letter, a description of a short term (week-10 days) or long term (months, years, lifetime) mission project or trip of some sort, and the many ways in which you can "support" the person writing the letter. You can just commit to praying for the person (silver level). You can pray and give a meager amount (gold level). Or you can pray and fill in your own extremely generous amount of money on the blank line (platinum level). If you are super holy, you will give sacrificially.
As you may have gathered already, to my ears, these letters often read like holy sales pitches, that might as well include the line "And that's not all! Give now and we'll throw in a surprise blessing!" The motivation to give then seems to come from guilt, obligation, or fear of looking unsupportive. And the letter feeling more like a test of friendship or measure of commitment to a relationship rather than a way to ask for help in a healthy way.
The issue is further complicated for me when financial support is requested by someone who doesn't seem like he needs that type of support. A grossly exaggerated example would be if Bill Gates asked me to help pay for his flight to Africa where he will be helping eradicate malaria. He doesn't need me to help him with his travel expenses but that doesn't take away from the worthiness and nobility of the cause.
So today, I posed this question to several people that I trust, "How do you feel about people asking for financial support to go on a missions trip they can totally afford to pay for themselves?"
I got so many good answers and such good feedback. I was reminded of how much priceless support I already have everyday. I feel much better about just taking breath and sharing what I'm going to do over spring break. So here's the scoop...
On April 13th, I will embark on what could be the best week of my life. Or it could be just like my other camp experiences, a mixture of fun, awkward and disappointment with a splash of life changing miracle. Or I might just hate it. I probably won't know until it's over on April 18th.
I'm going to the Central California Joni and Friends Family Retreat as a Short Term Missionary (STM). It's considered a mission trip because I'll be a volunteer matched up with a camper with a disability and will be his/her support person all week. I don't think I'll find out who I'm matched with until I get there. It could be a child or adult of any age and could even be a sibling of someone with a disability. All I know is that I've been wanting to do this for years! It's bucket list material. An absolute dream.
Asking people for money to fund the experience feels kinda like asking for money to go to Disneyland! I keep mulling over and over and over this question of to ask or not to ask for support. The conclusion I keep wanting to come to is no. I should pay for it myself, go about writing about my experience, and soaking in all that God has for me that week. And keep it all to myself. Ugh. That's where I keep getting stuck. Keeping it all to myself doesn't sit right with me this time. Why is that? I'm not exactly sure yet. I know part of the problem goes back to the allergy to asking for help but is there more to it than that? When does it become a team effort, in a healthy way? I don't want to automatically reject the idea of asking for support if there's some value in it that I don't recognize.
Then I go back to not wanting to talk about money. I'm no Bill Gates but at the same time I'm not worried about money either.
Then my friend Karisa said this: "You're about to spend a week helping someone else. Maybe God wants you to get a glimpse of what it feels like for your partner to ask you for help. They might struggle with that."
She got me there.
But then I was reminded of one of my core beliefs. I never want to take a task away from someone that he can do for himself, if by doing so I deprive him of his independence, strip him of his dignity, or negate his abilities. It's not respectful or kind to withhold patience.
I have the ability to fund the trip myself and I intend to do so. I do need help in other areas though and it's in those areas that I can feel good about asking for help.
Pray for me. Write me if you're excited with me. Learn more about Joni and Friends. Help me find a new swimsuit that I'm not embarrassed to be seen in (that'll be a miracle). Ask me how it went. Listen to my stories. Tell me your stories. Praise the Lord with me. Tell people you know about Joni and Friends and you may inspire someone else to be involved in missions. Who knows, one day you may even get a support letter from that person. ;)
After much debate, I realized that, for me, it all comes down to these two desires:
1. I want everyone to know about Joni and Friends Family Retreats so they can benefit from them.
2. I'd like to shout from the roof tops, "Hey Everybody! I get to fulfill a huge dream next month! I just want you to be excited with me."
There you have it...what are you thoughts???
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