My work

Last month I had a meeting with the parents of my 22 yr old client. They are so strong and so very tired. They need hope for the future. Their's and their son's. They want to pass the torch but see no one waiting ahead of them. They long for their son to have the skills he needs to live apart from them but they also know him and what he's shown he is capable of so far. They want to have high expectations while acknowledging he may not be able to meet those goals. They wish they could pass the torch of independence to their son. But they can't. Not in the way they dream of doing. Oh the depth of their love and devotion to him and to each other! The way his mom couldn't sit still or take a breath. The way his dad sat patiently and interjected when he had a wise word to give. The surprise and relief on their faces and in their postures, especially his dad's, when they realized I understood. 

This week I had a meeting with a different client. He doesn't have parents that are strong or have any dreams for him. He's lived at his current home for about a year. His words say he wants to stay but his actions say he wants out. No sooner did I meet him then I had to start calling him out on his choices and the consequences of those choices. Ordinarily I flee from confrontation but in this moment my instinct to help overpowered my usual cowardice. I talked and listened and asked lots of questions of him and the two people sitting across from me that had that same look as the parents I was talking about at the beginning. So worn and weary their faces and bodies appeared. They wanted to hope but weren't sure they should since they've been burned so often.  I embraced the role as leader of the pack and proceeded to make a plan that was clear, concise, and concrete. We will check in with each other once a week and will all meet again in one month to reassess if the client really does want to stay or if it's time for him to move on. Once the expectations were clearly spelled out and boundaries were made, everyone's continence changed. There was relief and a sliver of hope on their faces. We will see how it goes. The light at the end of the tunnel may be a train but we will face it together. Who knows, it may be a tail light leading us to freedom. 

I walked out of each of those houses feeling so alive! This. This is what I was made to do. This is the help I long to give. I don't realize how hard I am on myself until I'm faced with something I did right and I'm completely shocked!  Instead of dismissing it I am learning to smile and thank God for  working through me and showing me how to find deep and abiding joy in moments such as these.

Anger

Anger is like a bee. It shows up suddenly right in your personal space and its buzzing is too loud to ignore. Some people react to it by screaming and flailing their arms in hopes it will be scared away. Others stand very still trying not to provoke or appeal to it in any way. Then there are those that attack the bee in a preemptive strike sort of way. The bee may have peacefully moved on to getting nectar from a flower but they go after it anyway. They either get stung or they squash the bee. Both result in the bee's death.

The thing is that there will always be bees. We need them to help make our food grow. We need them to give us a taste of the sweetness of life. Killing all the bees is not the answer. Neither is acting like they don't affect us.

So what is the answer? How should I respond to the anger that buzzes into my space? Walk away and hope it gets distracted by a flower? Deny its existence and, if I get stung, act like it doesn't hurt? 

I never seem to land on an answer that stops the questions.

I didn't know.

How did I not know?!? I think maybe it's because it's taken longer with the other ones. Like at least 5 minutes. :) This time it was instantaneous. I'm still having trouble believing it really happened that way. But it really did happen.

I walked in the room, our eyes met, and, that was it, I was in love. I knew he'd always have my heart and I'd always be there for him. If he ever calls, I'll answer. If he ever needs anything I can provide, I'll give it to him.

He was about 10 minutes old at the time.

I've heard of this connection happening to birth moms and dads. I know it happens to adoptive parents all the time. I just wasn't prepared for it to happen to me. He's not biologically mine nor am I adopting him (though I was jokingly promised at one time that if he was a boy, I could have him. But that's another story). He is not genetically or legally mine. Apparently, love doesn't have any bounds.

(I may have heard it about 1000 times this Christmas break; Boundless Love as sung by EHSS.)

He was born into an incredible family. Dad, Mom, and 4 older brothers. But just because I'm like 17th on the list of people that would give their lives for him, the fact remains that I would.

I thought this bond would only happen if I became a mom. I thought I had to be born into a family or marry into a family to feel part of one. I was wrong.

I didn't know.

the moment: love at first sight.

well hello there Levi!
This is when I told him that he's probably gonna hear a lot of people say that he looks just like his brother Isaac but that he still gets to be his own person. The one God created him to be. I also told him that Pepsi tastes good and chocolate tastes bad. I needed to cover all the important stuff right away. "Train them up..."

I love you. *smooch*

Levi Kapelika Foster
born on 12/17/14 at 6:21pm
weighing in at 7lbs 12oz
measuring 20" long

God's already using him to teach me stuff. :)