the neon orange sticker

I have a like/hate relationship with this neon orange sticker.  I don't love it at all. It sets me apart and I struggle with that on a fundamental level.

The receptionist opens that drawer every time I enter the Central CA Blood Center,  peels off the paper from the back of the sticker, and hands it to me with the expectation that I will immediately put it on my shirt. It's the rule, I have to wear it. Part of me wants to because it's the difference between winching in pain and feeling a slight twinge of discomfort when they draw my blood. It's my ticket to the absolute best that is available. But the other part of me wants to cover it with my hand and quietly rip it off the second that receptionist turns her head.

So what if my blood type is O- and can be given to anyone and everyone?! It's the kind you give someone if you don't know their blood type. (Well, maybe not you, but a medical professional.) It's value exceeds that of all the others because it has the quality that the others don't have.  It won't hurt anyone. The best phlebotomist in the building is the one required to draw my blood. Only the best because this needs to go well. It needs to work. Failure is not an option because they need to save lives with this magic pint of blood. So what. Does that mean that other people should suffer more at the blood center? That people with type AB should be given the rookie who started yesterday and takes three tries to find the vein? No, not necessarily. But sometimes yes.

I love the scene at the end of the movie 'Ever After' when the wicked step mother tries to act superior to her wicked daughter and the daughter screams, "You're just the same as me, you big nobody!!!" The two of them are now on the same bottom rung of the social ladder. I don't know if the mother is more furious about them being servants or being equals! All she ever wanted was to be better than everyone else but the harder she tried, the farther she got from her goal. 

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be the same as my brothers. I wanted to be their ages. I wanted to be able to go shirtless and play outside like they did. I wanted glasses like they had. I wasn't to sing like my oldest brother and have the confidence of my older brother. I wanted us all to have the same IQ. I wanted people out in the world to treat us the same way and to understand that we were all broken in our own specific ways. I am not better than them, sweeter, or more loving than them. I am prettier though, I'll give you that.

Fortunately, I've learned some things over the years. Eventually I will be their ages and I will need glasses. Maybe someday I will work on my singing voice and will start walking up to people to give them 8 high fives but the chances are slim. And the fact of the matter is that I can't change our IQs. God gave each of us the level of intelligence that we have and each of those numbers is different. Most importantly, I've learn that same has a different definition than equal. My real goal is equality. 

But, this side of heaven, there is inequality. So I try to acknowledge the truths in the pray of serenity by accepting the things I cannot change and asking for courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to see the difference.

Oh, and it turns out, wearing a shirt is just good sense. Although, if I didn't have a shirt on, I bet no one would notice the neon orange sticker...

Top Ten Tips for a Father Raising a Daughter

Recently, my parents were asked by three fathers of daughters about advice for how to raise a daughter. These men have a total of 10 daughters between them all so I think my parents were feeling a little inexperienced having only raised one. Be that as it may, I still found their answers to be ridiculous. 

My mom: They asked us for advice on how to raise a daughter.

I think she expected a sarcastic remark from me like, “Wow, they must be hard up for advice!”

But instead I asked, “What’d you say?”

My mom: “I don’t have any!”

I looked at my dad. “I didn’t have anything to say either!”, he exclaimed.

Me: “Well, that’s ridiculous! You could have said all kinds of things! Why would you say nothing?”

They had no response. Then it dawned on me. My parents don’t give advice and they certainly don’t brag about themselves. They just don’t.

So I went to my room and started writing. I came up with a list of 10 tips for how to raise a daughter. I tore it out of my notebook and handed it to my dad. 

I will list them below, Letterman style: 

The Top Ten Tips for a Father Raising a Daughter

10. When she wants to tell you something, listen with all of your attention.

 9. Love your daughter more than anyone else (be her biggest fan) and remind her that God    loves her infinitely more

 8. Don’t tell her that being happy is the most important thing

 7. Talk about money and how to use it wisely

 6. Instead of yelling, explain calmly

 5. Say yes as much as possible so the no’s have more significance

 4. Teach her what trustworthy and honest look like by being those things all the time

 3. Figure out what motivates her and use that to help her process decisions

 2. Treat her and her mom like you want others to treat her

And the number one tip for a father to raising a daughter…

 1. Love her mom well

My dad did all of these things, not perfectly, but he did them. And you wanna know who taught him? My mom.

Rescued

I am often reminded that I look at the world first through the eyes of a sibling. I notice how people are treated, especially the vulnerable or at risk, the least of these. I compare and contrast. I contemplate and consider. It matters to me because I'm selfish and because I love my brother. He has a developmental disability. He and I have always been very close. So the selfish part of me doesn't want him to be treated any better than me and the loving part, of course, doesn't want him treated any worse either. I want us to be equals. Okay, most of the time I want that. Sometimes I want to be better than him but what sibling doesn't? Anyway, the fact is that the world doesn't see us as equals. The world doesn't see his value, initially. But when someone does, I notice and I remember. 

As I've gotten older, it's become clear to me that I care about how all people with disabilities are treated. I am especially passionate about how the Church treats them. I hear stats like 80% of families affected by disability do not attend church and I am grieved because of that inequality. Most families have at least two children so that means four people aren't hearing the gospel. Four people are feeling rejected and four people are not being given the opportunity to be part of the Body of Christ. 

When I was sitting on the steps of the ruins of the library in Ephesus, I heard a story that made my heart drop and then soar. It was being told by Shea Sumlin to our group of 39 people studying church history as we traveled through Turkey and Greece. 

The story was about how the Church reacted to the least of these. A doctor in the city wrote a book about how to determine if a newborn was worth keeping or not. The infant was judged based mostly on physical characteristics and health. If the baby was deemed worthless he or she would be thrown into the city's trash heap, left outside in the elements, or given to the slave traders. Babies were literally being thrown away, discarded like rotten food or used toilet paper. 

Then something remarkable started to happen. The babies were being rescued from the trash heap and the elements. The slave trades had to move on because their were no babies to sell. Oh parents were still rejecting them but the Church did not. The church of Ephesus was taking the babies in and raising them as their own. They saw that the infants were of infinite worth. They knew God loved these children and that alone was reason enough to rescue them.

It's a beautiful picture and example of how God rescues all of us. We are not just vulnerable and at risk, we are dead in our sins and He responds by giving His life to save us. His salvation is for everyone, no matter our earthy value. "For I am convinced that neither life nor death nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38) 

So how should the Church respond today? We can say with our lips that all people are welcome in our churches. We can claim to love our neighbor as ourself. We can insist we want everyone to come to church but do we want everyone to stay? If we don't want them to stay then we are Pharisees giving lip service. If we do want them to stay but don't provide a way to make it possible then we are hypocrites, nothing but the squeaking of a rusty gate. 

Let us be known to future generations as being like the church in Ephesus who saw the least of these and realized we are all one in Christ. 

The Library at Ephesus

Our Turkish tour guide Ozan explaining the history and the architecture 

Little did I know, I was about to have my mind blown after Ozan was done and Shea started teaching.

looking up from where I was sitting on the library steps

What an incredible location for a wedding shoot!