Flawless

In keeping with my habit, I've been reflecting on my time at this year's Joni and Friends Family Retreat. So many things happened over the course of the week that made me feel all the paradoxes: able/disabled, confident/uncertain, delighted/annoyed, equipped/lacking, joy/fear. I had all of the answers and none of the answers. 

The lesson God kept faithfully teaching me through hundreds of different little experiences is that He is all the first things when I am all the second things. He is able, confident, delighted, equipped, joy, and The Answer. I don't need to become those things or produce those traits in myself. And it's a good thing because I can't make myself be those things. I can pretend to be able to but the reality is that I can't. God is those things and in His great mercy and grace offers to be those things for me and for all of us. 

One of the ways God taught me this lesson was through the following scene between a man in a wheelchair named Michael and a man next to him named Alan. 

Michael’s singing is in the form of happy humming sounds and Alan’s singing is in the form of off-key notes and clear words. One man has spent his life being cared for and the other has spent his life caring for his loved ones. Both have learned to communicate without words. Both have experienced lifetimes of frustration and pain and both have seen the hand of God in all of it.

They met on a Monday afternoon and bonded immediately. By Wednesday they seemed to understand each other on a deep level. Alan would make a move, Michael would make a noise, Alan would adjust, and Michael would silently approve. Michael was teaching Alan his language and Alan was soaking it in.

I had the privilege of watching this exchange happen many times throughout the week of camp. My favorite time was when they pulled up to the lake in front of the patio I was working at. Alan situated Michael’s chair near some steps and sat down on the step. Michael made a sound and Alan got up. He moved Michael’s wheelchair forward several feet closer to the edge of the lake and Michael approved. Alan no longer had anywhere to sit but that didn’t bother him.

The next thing I heard was a familiar Mercy Me song coming from Alan’s phone. The two men started singing and the words of that song have near been more profoundly beautiful to my ears.

“No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless”

I was wrecked. Tears flowed as my heart swelled with the Truth of the gospel on display before my eyes. 

We are all flawed but the cross has made us flawless.

Moments later, Alan and Michael passed by me and Alan remarked, "Michael is the first person to ever sit through me singing an entire song! Hahaha!" 

God was even faithful to provide me with comic relief when I was overwhelmed by the wonder of it all!