Being the younger sister of a brother with a developmental disability is like being born in Holland and having all of your first experiences with the backdrop of windmills, Rembrandts, and tulips. These things were not special, they were commonplace. A Rembrandt was just a painting. Sure they looked different from other paintings and yes, I could spot one from a mile away. But that didn't make them special, it made them familiar. Sitting among the tulips wasn't memorable, it was comfortable. Playing around the windmills wasn't a choice, it was a reality. A beautiful reality to be sure but everyone knows that flowers wilt, windmills break, and paintings get scribbled on with markers and knocked off the wall.
It turns out that the thing everyone knew, that I didn't know, was that I'm actually supposed to have grown up in Italy. My parents grew up in Italy and my first born brother was born there. It wasn't until my second born brother was born that my family had to move to Holland. They didn't have a choice. They all lived in Holland for almost 4 years before I was born. I like to pretend that part of me always knew but I really didn't. I don't know exactly when I figured it out. There is no specific moment when I discovered the truth. There was nothing hidden to dig up. The truth was always in front of me and I just gradually comprehended and absorbed it. I was the only member of the family who didn't have to adjust to a new country and it's culture but I found myself struggling to relate to Italians.
So which culture am I from? I'm not Dutch but I'm not Italian either. I'm in some sort of third category. Dutchian? Italiutch? I know I relate well to Dutch people but I am supposed to relate best to Italians. Dutch people accept me but I'm not one of them. Italians praise me for my "special skills" in relating to Dutch people but, partially because of those skills, I'm not one of them either.
All I want is for both cultures to understand each other and include each other in shared communities. I will translate, interpret, build a human bridge to help people get over their differences, and ignore my own need for acceptance to get the job done. The fact is that I'm neither Dutch or Italian. I'm a sibling and that I shall always be.
