Joni and Friends Family Retreat 2014

I was so very excited when I signed up to be a Short Term Missionary (STM) at the Central California Joni and Friends Family Retreat and then came the week that almost knocked me out...

I started the week feeling nervous because of all the unknowns. Then I started feeling cocky when I was asked to explain different disabilities and how to listen and learn from the campers. Next thing I know, I'm crushed. My pride is drained. My attitude is terrible. I hate disabilities. (That feeling has reared it's ugly head only about 5 times in my life.) I was in the depths of despair and felt like I had been swallowed and deserved to stay there. I didn't know what to do or how to handle anything. Everyone around me was doing amazing work and I was knocked off the pedestal I had put myself on. It was as though I'd been competing with amateurs and always winning by a landslide and now I'd come to the Olympics where everyone was at least as good or better than me at this sport. I was blown away by the caliber of the athletes and the ease with which they were kicking my ass. I was no longer the expert, gold medal favorite, gifted, talented, saint who was the standard, the example for everyone to follow. I was ordinary. common. average. I was everything I always said I wanted to be. But when it actually happened, I was devastated, shocked, and completely uncomfortable. I wanted to leave and never look back. 

God had a much better plan, of course. He used my weakened state, my brokenness, my sorrow to help me see Him, depend on Him, & acknowledge Him in all things. He was my strength when I was weak. He was my comforter. He was my guide. He showed me that I was still finding my identity in being a sibling instead of finding my identity in Him alone. In Christ alone, I place my trust.

God is not satisfied with saving me, helping me grow, and then putting me on cruise control. His love is RELENTLESS. He showed me this week that He will never stop showing me how to depend on Him. He is faithful to allow pain to point me to Him.

After being home for about 24 hours, I realized I hope to go back next year. :)

the hills were the best

woohoo!
i like this picture simply because i look skinny :)

and up the next hill we go!
God gave me superhuman strength to push the wheelchair and explore the entire camp with Maddie.

Maddie and I having a bonding moment

She loved the therapy dogs that came to visit us at camp.