the neon orange sticker

I have a like/hate relationship with this neon orange sticker.  I don't love it at all. It sets me apart and I struggle with that on a fundamental level.

The receptionist opens that drawer every time I enter the Central CA Blood Center,  peels off the paper from the back of the sticker, and hands it to me with the expectation that I will immediately put it on my shirt. It's the rule, I have to wear it. Part of me wants to because it's the difference between winching in pain and feeling a slight twinge of discomfort when they draw my blood. It's my ticket to the absolute best that is available. But the other part of me wants to cover it with my hand and quietly rip it off the second that receptionist turns her head.

So what if my blood type is O- and can be given to anyone and everyone?! It's the kind you give someone if you don't know their blood type. (Well, maybe not you, but a medical professional.) It's value exceeds that of all the others because it has the quality that the others don't have.  It won't hurt anyone. The best phlebotomist in the building is the one required to draw my blood. Only the best because this needs to go well. It needs to work. Failure is not an option because they need to save lives with this magic pint of blood. So what. Does that mean that other people should suffer more at the blood center? That people with type AB should be given the rookie who started yesterday and takes three tries to find the vein? No, not necessarily. But sometimes yes.

I love the scene at the end of the movie 'Ever After' when the wicked step mother tries to act superior to her wicked daughter and the daughter screams, "You're just the same as me, you big nobody!!!" The two of them are now on the same bottom rung of the social ladder. I don't know if the mother is more furious about them being servants or being equals! All she ever wanted was to be better than everyone else but the harder she tried, the farther she got from her goal. 

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be the same as my brothers. I wanted to be their ages. I wanted to be able to go shirtless and play outside like they did. I wanted glasses like they had. I wasn't to sing like my oldest brother and have the confidence of my older brother. I wanted us all to have the same IQ. I wanted people out in the world to treat us the same way and to understand that we were all broken in our own specific ways. I am not better than them, sweeter, or more loving than them. I am prettier though, I'll give you that.

Fortunately, I've learned some things over the years. Eventually I will be their ages and I will need glasses. Maybe someday I will work on my singing voice and will start walking up to people to give them 8 high fives but the chances are slim. And the fact of the matter is that I can't change our IQs. God gave each of us the level of intelligence that we have and each of those numbers is different. Most importantly, I've learn that same has a different definition than equal. My real goal is equality. 

But, this side of heaven, there is inequality. So I try to acknowledge the truths in the pray of serenity by accepting the things I cannot change and asking for courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to see the difference.

Oh, and it turns out, wearing a shirt is just good sense. Although, if I didn't have a shirt on, I bet no one would notice the neon orange sticker...